When You Can’t Fix Your Child’s Choices
There comes a moment in motherhood that no one really prepares you for.
It’s the moment when you realize you can’t fix this.
Not because you don’t care.
Not because you haven’t tried.
But because what your child is going through or choosing is beyond your control.
And if you’re an LDS mom who loves deeply, this can feel especially heavy. You’ve taught them, prayed for them, shown up again and again. Yet something still feels off, and you may quietly wonder what went wrong.
If you’ve ever found yourself lying awake, replaying conversations or questioning your role in your child’s life, you’re not alone. Many women I work with feel this exact weight when they can’t fix their child’s choices.
But what if this moment is not a failure?
What if it’s an invitation to understand something deeper?
What Deliverance Really Means
In the gospel, we hear the word deliverance often. Most of us think of big miracles or dramatic rescue stories. However, deliverance is much simpler and more personal than that.
Deliverance is what happens when there is a gap between what you need and what you can do, and God steps in to fill it.
Sometimes He fills that gap with strength, sometimes with peace, sometimes with people.
The pattern is always the same. There is a need that cannot be met alone, and help is sent.
This matters deeply when you can’t fix your child’s choices. Because in those moments, it often feels like that gap is your responsibility. You may believe you should be able to close it, fix it, or make things right.
Yet some gaps were never yours to fill.
Seeing Deliverance in Real Life
Once you begin to recognize deliverance, you start to see it everywhere.
We see deliverance from darkness to light, from chaos into creation. We see it in the Atonement of Jesus Christ, where we are delivered from spiritual death through His grace, covenant, and continual renewal.
In familiar scriptural stories.
Joseph was delivered from the pit and later from prison.
Daniel was delivered from the lion’s den.
David was delivered from Goliath.
A ram was provided in place of Isaac.
Each story looks different. Sometimes deliverance comes quickly. Other times it unfolds slowly. In some cases, circumstances change. In others, the person is strengthened to endure.
However, one truth remains consistent.
God always steps into the gap.
And that same God is working in your life and in your child’s life right now.
When You Step In for Others
You have likely been part of someone else’s deliverance.
Maybe you brought a meal, sat with a friend during a hard time, helped carry a burden that wasn’t technically yours.
Those moments matter more than you realize.
I saw this clearly when my brother and his family were in a serious car accident. With three young children injured and overwhelming needs surrounding them, there was no way they could manage everything on their own.
So people stepped in.
Meals were brought.
Children were cared for.
Daily needs were met.
No one fixed the situation, but together, we carried what they could not carry alone.
That is deliverance.
When You Are the One Who Needs Deliverance
Then there are moments when you are the one who cannot carry it.
I experienced this when my own son faced serious health complications. In that moment, I felt the gap so clearly.
What he needed and what I could do were no longer the same.
As we drove, unsure of what would happen, my family showed up in ways I will never forget. They came late at night, without a plan, simply to be there.
They did not fix the situation.
But they carried it with us.
And that changed everything.
The Lie That You Are Not Enough
When you can’t fix your child’s choices, it is easy to turn inward.
You may begin to believe that you failed.
That you should have done more.
That you were not enough.
But that belief is not true.
Sister Reyna I. Aburto taught, “In the Lord’s plan, there is no room for feeling like we are not enough.”
Your child’s agency is not a reflection of your worth.
Or your love, your effort, and your presence matter more than you realize.
You Are Not the Deliverer
You are not the deliverer in your child’s story, you are the mother.
Jesus Christ is the deliverer.
Elder David A. Bednar taught, “The enabling power of the Atonement strengthens us to do things we could never do on our own.”
That power is working in you as you continue to love and show up. It is also working in your child’s life in ways you cannot see.
When you can’t fix your child’s choices, it does not mean nothing is happening.
It means God is working in ways beyond your reach.
A New Question to Ask
Instead of asking, “How do I fix this?”
Try asking, “What does it look like to love and let Him deliver?”
This question creates space.
It allows you to release what was never yours to carry while still showing up with love and connection.
You can feel peace even when things are unresolved.
And you can trust that God is working, even when you cannot see it.
You Don’t Have to Carry This Alone
If you are feeling tired, overwhelmed, or unsure of how to move forward, you do not have to figure this out on your own.
I created Confident and Whole specifically for LDS moms navigating this kind of heartache. It is designed to help you feel peace, confidence, and clarity, even when your child’s choices are different than what you hoped.
Right now, I am offering founding member spots at a deeply discounted rate.
Before anything else, I would love to connect with you.
I offer free 25-minute connection and peace calls where we can talk through what you are experiencing and see if this program is the right fit for you.
You don’t have to wait for your child to change to feel whole again.
And you don’t have to carry this alone.