Have you ever sat in the church parking lot and wondered if you had the emotional energy to walk inside?
Not because you don’t love the gospel or because you’ve lost your testimony.
Simply because life feels heavy.
Maybe you’re chasing a toddler through the hallway while everyone else seems to be listening to the lesson. Maybe you’re sitting alone because your husband is serving in a calling. Or maybe you’re sitting alone because he no longer comes to church.
You might have a teenager making choices you never imagined. Perhaps your adult children have stepped away from the Church, and every lesson about eternal families stings a little. Maybe you’re grieving the loss of a spouse, struggling with infertility, facing chronic illness, or simply feeling like you don’t belong.
If you’ve ever thought, Church feels hard, you’re not alone.
There Are So Many Reasons Church Feels Hard
We often assume everyone else has it together.
They don’t.
Every Sunday, people quietly carry burdens that nobody else can see.
The young mom wonders if it’s even worth trying to keep her children quiet.
The widow notices the empty seat beside her.
A divorced woman wonders where she fits.
Maybe the new convert feels like everyone else already knows the language of church.
The mother of an adult child who has left the Church fights back tears during every lesson about families.
Although our struggles look different, they all have one thing in common.
They feel heavy.
Church Was Never Meant for Perfect People
For years, I unknowingly believed church was where people who had everything figured out gathered.
Then I realized something that changed everything.
Church isn’t a building for perfect people, it’s a hospital for people who are hurting.
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf once taught that the Church is designed to nourish the imperfect, the struggling, and the exhausted. That truth brings so much relief because every person walking through those chapel doors has something they’re carrying.
Some struggles are visible.
Most aren’t.
Instead of comparing your life to someone else’s Sunday smile, remember that everyone has a story you can’t see.
The Difference Between Clean Pain and Dirty Pain
One of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned through coaching is understanding the difference between clean pain and dirty pain.
Clean pain is part of being human.
When someone dies, grief is clean pain.
When your child makes choices that break your heart, sadness is clean pain.
When your husband leaves the Church, loneliness is clean pain.
Those feelings are normal.
They move you forward.
Dirty pain is something different, it sounds like this:
“I failed.”
“Everyone is judging me.”
“I don’t belong here.”
“God must be disappointed in me.”
“Everyone else’s family is doing better than mine.”
Those thoughts don’t heal.
They keep you stuck.
Many times, what makes Sundays so painful isn’t just what’s happening.
It’s the story we’re telling ourselves about what’s happening.
What If They're Thinking About You?
Let’s be honest.
Sometimes people probably are judging, they whisper and say things they shouldn’t.
The honest reality is, that says something about them.
It doesn’t define you.
You don’t have to carry someone else’s opinion into sacrament meeting.
Your reason for coming to church isn’t to earn approval from the people sitting around you.
You’re there to worship Jesus Christ, to renew your covenants and to feel His Spirit.
When you stay focused on that purpose, other people’s opinions begin to lose their power.
A Small Act of Kindness Changed Everything
Years ago, one of my sons was making choices that were different from what we had hoped.
He wasn’t serving a mission like many of his friends.
When he came home from work, he would sometimes attend sacrament meeting.
It felt like people were staring, I assumed they were talking.
Maybe some were.
However, two women consistently did something I’ll never forget.
Every single time they saw my son, they walked over, smiled, and simply said hello.
They said hello and asked about work.
That was it.
They didn’t try to fix him.
They didn’t make him into a project, they simply loved him.
One day my son noticed.
He asked, “Do you ever notice those two ladies always come talk to me?”
He felt seen and accepted.
That’s what Christ would have done.
Sometimes the smallest act of kindness becomes the thing someone remembers for years.
God Doesn't Always Remove the Hard
Many of us pray for God to take away our burdens.
Sometimes He does and sometimes He doesn’t.
Instead, He strengthens us enough to carry them.
That’s exactly what happened to Alma’s people in the Book of Mormon.
The burdens didn’t disappear overnight.
God gave them strength to bear them.
Maybe that’s what He’s doing for you today.
Not because He doesn’t love you.
Because He knows who you’re becoming.
You Can Find Peace Before Your Circumstances Change
One of the women I recently coached shared that Sundays were incredibly painful, she was sad every Sunday.
Her adult children had stopped attending church.
Every week she wondered what more she could have done, a big pile of dirty pain.
Clean pain is grieving the situation. Dirty pain came from blaming herself.
She believed peace would only come if her children returned.
The truth is, peace doesn’t have to wait.
You can love your children deeply, pray for them faithfully.
Even hope they’ll return someday.
And you can experience joy today.
Hard Sundays Don't Last Forever
Some seasons feel endless.
If you’re walking the halls with toddlers, it might feel like it will always be like this, but it wont.
Trust that if you’re grieving your family, your heart won’t always feel this heavy.
If you’re sitting alone on a pew, you won’t always feel forgotten.
The hard may stay for a while. However, so will the Savior. Because He walked a lonely road, you never have to walk yours alone.
There is hope and healing.
There is peace available, even before your circumstances change.
If church has become one of the hardest parts of your week, I want you to know this:
You belong and you are loved.
And you don’t have to carry the weight of the world by yourself.
If you’re a mom with adult children who have stepped away from the Church or just finding church hard. You’re longing for more peace, I’d love to help.
Schedule a free Find Connection and Peace Call, and together we’ll talk about what’s weighing on your heart and help you find peace that doesn’t depend on anyone else’s choices.