Have I ever told you that the story of Mary and Martha has always bothered me?
I know that might sound strange, especially because it’s one of the most well-known stories in the New Testament. Yet every time I read it, I find myself asking the same question.
If nobody is making dinner, who’s going to feed everyone?
If nobody is preparing the house, where will everyone sleep?
I’ve always been a Martha.
I’m the one making sure the meal is ready, the house is clean, everyone has a place to sit, and every detail is taken care of. While everyone else enjoys the moment, I’m usually thinking about what still needs to be done.
Maybe you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Why I Relate to Martha
The story of Mary and Martha is found in Luke 10:38-42. Jesus visits their home, and while Mary sits at His feet listening to Him teach, Martha stays busy serving her guests.
Eventually, Martha becomes frustrated.
She asks Jesus to tell Mary to help.
Instead, Jesus lovingly replies:
“Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things.”
For years, I heard this story as if Jesus were saying Martha should have stopped serving.
However, I don’t think that’s what He was saying at all.
After spending more time with this scripture, I started wondering if Jesus wasn’t correcting her service. Maybe He was addressing the burden she was carrying while she served.
That changes everything.
The Weight Many LDS Moms Carry
As I coach LDS moms with adult children who have stepped away from the Church or are making different life choices, I hear a similar struggle over and over again.
It usually sounds something like this:
“I did everything I was supposed to do.”
“I taught them the gospel.”
“We had family prayer.”
“I took them to church.”
“I kept my covenants.”
Then comes the heartbreaking question.
“Why wasn’t it enough?”
That question isn’t really about parenting.
It’s about carrying a burden that was never meant to be ours.
Many faithful mothers quietly believe that if they do everything right, everything will turn out right.
When life doesn’t follow that expectation, they often assume they somehow failed.
Stewardship Is Different From Responsibility
One of the most freeing conversations I have with clients is about the difference between stewardship and responsibility.
As a mother, you were given the stewardship to love your children.
You were given the stewardship to teach them.
You were given the stewardship to point them toward Jesus Christ.
However, you were never given responsibility for their agency.
That belongs to them.
Understanding this difference doesn’t make the pain disappear overnight. Still, it removes a tremendous amount of unnecessary guilt.
You can be a wonderful mother and still have children who make different choices.
Those two things can both be true.
What Jesus May Have Been Teaching Martha
The more I think about the story of Mary and Martha, the more I notice something important.
Jesus never says serving is wrong.
Instead, He says Martha is “careful and troubled.”
Her anxiety is the issue.
Her belief that everything depends on her is what seems to be weighing her down.
Honestly, I understand that feeling.
I know what it’s like to believe that if I just work harder, prepare more, or try one more thing, I can somehow create the outcome I want.
Many mothers feel the same pressure with their adult children.
They believe that if they say the right words, share one more scripture, or pray one more prayer, they can change someone else’s choices.
That pressure is exhausting.
You Can Love Without Carrying Everything
Here’s the beautiful truth.
You don’t have to stop loving your child, you don’t have to stop praying and you don’t have to stop serving your family.
Instead, you can stop carrying responsibility that belongs to someone else.
That’s not giving up.
It’s trusting God with what only He can do.
Likewise, it’s allowing your child the gift of agency while continuing to love them deeply.
That kind of love creates peace instead of panic.
What This Means for You Today
Perhaps you’ve spent years believing that your worth as a mother depends on your child’s choices.
Maybe you’ve measured your success by whether your family followed the path you hoped they would.
If so, I want you to hear this.
Your child’s agency is not a report card on your motherhood.
Your faithfulness is not erased because someone else chose differently.
God sees every prayer you prayed.
He sees every lesson you taught, he sees every tear you’ve cried.
Most importantly, He sees your heart.
Maybe You're a Martha Too
I’ve realized something as I’ve wrestled with this story.
I don’t think Jesus wanted Martha to become Mary.
He created Martha with gifts that mattered.
Her hospitality mattered, her service mattered, her love mattered.
What He invited her to lay down wasn’t the serving.
It was the burden.
Perhaps He’s inviting us to do the same.
If you’ve been carrying the emotional weight of your adult child’s choices, maybe it’s time to ask yourself one simple question:
Am I carrying something that belongs to God?
You can continue loving your child, you can continue praying and hoping.
At the same time, you can finally put down the impossible burden of believing everything depends on you.
That isn’t weakness.
It’s faith.
And maybe that’s the lesson Martha needed all along.
And if you’re ready for personal support as you navigate the heartache of an adult child’s choices, I’d love to help.