Have you ever noticed how easy it is to believe the thoughts in your head?
Especially when those thoughts sound responsible, honest, or self-aware.
“If I had done more, things would be different.”
“I should’ve handled that better.”
“Maybe this says something about me.”
For many women, those thoughts become background noise. They show up while driving carpool, folding laundry, sitting in church, or lying awake at night replaying conversations that happened years ago. Over time, those thoughts stop sounding like thoughts. They start sounding like truth.
That is why Sister Tamara Runia’s statement in General Conference is so important, she said, “You are not the thoughts in your head.”
At first, that idea can feel almost impossible to believe because some thoughts feel incredibly true. Yet feeling true and being true are not always the same thing.
Why Negative Thoughts Feel So Believable
The human brain loves efficiency. It repeats what is familiar. Every time you think a thought over and over again, your brain creates a stronger pathway for it. Eventually, your brain travels that path automatically.
It is similar to walking the same trail through a field every day. At first, the grass barely bends. After enough repetition, however, a clear path forms. The brain works in much the same way.
So when thoughts like these repeat for years:
“I’m failing.”
“I should’ve done more.”
“I’m not enough.”
Your brain becomes skilled at finding those thoughts quickly.
That does not mean the thoughts are accurate. It simply means they are practiced.
Many women never stop long enough to question those thoughts because they sound responsible. They sound humble. Sometimes they even sound spiritual. As a result, self-criticism becomes mistaken for self-awareness.
If this sounds familiar, you are not alone.
This is one of the biggest reasons coaching can feel so life-changing. Coaching helps you slow down and notice what your brain is offering instead of automatically believing every thought that enters your mind.
If you’re exhausted from carrying guilt, overthinking your parenting, or constantly questioning yourself, I’d love to help.
You can schedule a free coaching call with me Here.
When Good Women Tie Their Worth to Outcomes
Many women sincerely believe that if they make good choices, love deeply, serve faithfully, and do their best, life will turn out the way they hoped.
Not because they are prideful.
Because they are sincere.
They genuinely want to do what is right. They want to protect the people they love. Over time, though, it becomes easy to quietly connect righteousness with predictable outcomes.
Then life happens.
Children make choices you never expected. Relationships become painful. Plans change. Prayers seem unanswered. Suddenly, the mind starts searching for someone to blame.
And often, that blame turns inward.
“Maybe I failed.”
“ I should’ve seen this sooner.”
“This is my fault.”
Those thoughts can feel crushing, especially for women who have spent their lives trying to be good.
However, painful experiences are not proof of low worth.
That distinction matters more than most women realize.
The Difference Between Worthiness and Worth
Do you blend worthiness and worth together as if they mean the same thing.
Let me show you how they’re not the same.
Worthiness involves growth, choices, repentance, and learning. Every person has things they are working on because growth is part of being human.
Worth is different.
Worth is not earned by perfect parenting, flawless choices, or ideal outcomes. It does not rise when life is going smoothly, and it does not disappear when life feels messy.
Doctrine and Covenants 18:10 teaches, “Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.”
Not the worth of souls who never struggle.
Not the worth of souls whose families look perfect.
Simply the worth of souls.
That means your value was never hanging in the balance waiting to be proven.
Sometimes women spend years mentally measuring themselves through other people’s choices, circumstances, or mistakes. That is exhausting because the mind never stops scanning for ways to fix.
Am I doing enough?
Am I failing?
What does this say about me?
Eventually, your own mind can become a difficult place to live.
But it was never meant to be that way.
You Do Not Have to Believe Every Thought
One of the most healing things a woman can learn is this:
A thought is not automatically true simply because it appears in your mind.
Thoughts are sentences. Some are helpful. Others are protective or fear-based. They come from years of conditioning and repetition.
Learning to separate facts from thoughts changes everything.
For example:
Your child saying, they are not going on a mission is a fact.
“This means I failed as a mother” is a thought.
Those are not the same thing.
Yet many women blend them together without realizing it.
This is why awareness matters so much. Once you notice the thought, you finally have the chance to question it instead of immediately accepting it as truth.
That small shift can completely change the relationship you have with yourself.
If you want help learning how to stop spiraling in shame and start responding to yourself with more compassion and clarity, schedule a free coaching call with me here.
Creating a Safer Place Inside Your Own Mind
You cannot escape yourself.
No matter where you go, your thoughts come with you. That is why the relationship you have with yourself matters so deeply.
For many women, the harshest voice they hear all day is their own inner dialogue. Constant criticism, second-guessing, guilt, and overthinking slowly wear them down.
But healing often begins with awareness.
Awareness that thoughts are not identity.
Knowing that your worth was never based on perfection.
Question thoughts that hurt you.
Stop treating every hard moment like evidence against yourself.
Most importantly, create a kinder place to live inside your own mind.
If this message speaks to you, coaching can help you untangle painful thought patterns and learn how to respond to yourself differently. Schedule your free coaching call here:
Because you are not the thoughts in your head.